wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
