maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
