I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
