Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize