New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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