were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
