I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
