That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize