This is not my ceiling
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
