somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
