Jerry, you need to find god
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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