thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The air taste purple.
Randomize
