I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
