yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
