if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
