you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
