I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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