I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
