Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this will be a night to untag.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
