mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She announced her abortion via fbk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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