I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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