I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
