this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just high enough for therapy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
