Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
