There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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