I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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