Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
