Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
