I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
