they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
