No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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