Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
