So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've blown a few things in my day
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
