i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
