I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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