What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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