the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize