Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize