true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
