My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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