We won't sleep together?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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