all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My penis needs a shock collar
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
