whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
