i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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