Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
