But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
