Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This girl is more easily done than said...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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