Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
