I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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