I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
