Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
