I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we're making bets on your personal life
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
