Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
