You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize