..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
