I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
