you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You are a genius and a whore.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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