Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
