Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I believe in your delicious
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
