singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize