I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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