This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
