the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
