my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
