Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
