Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
