Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
