just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
