You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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