i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
