some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
