I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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