Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize