god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
