in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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