I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
