Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
