she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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