It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
