I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
