Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
