D3 body, D1 cock
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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