and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
