apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
