just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
