I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
