where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Farmville is her only friend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
