Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
