For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
