dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
