every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
