Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
