I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
