Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
