it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
honey bunches of taint.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
