We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
