ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
