Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
