if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
