The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can feel your judgement through the phone
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
