i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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