Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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