I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
