Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
