party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize