I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
