His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
