I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
