I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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