Kareoke will never be a sober sport
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
