How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
